A Compromising Position

    I've recently found myself falling into a black hole of disappointment that many teachers face.  I used to stand up in front of my classes expecting nothing but the best from my students.  I believed that if I could really teach a subject, then what's keeping the children from learning it?  So I would make sure I took up cell phones and mp3 players, wake up the "sleepyheads", and gain the attention of those who didn't want to give it to me.  Now, months later I just cannot figure out where these firm principles have gone.
    At first I would make a simple concession.  I would see one of my smarter, more well-behaved students on the phone and simply allow it to happen.  What could go wrong?  They would do well anyway, right?  Then I would make another compromise.  I would think, "This student is nothing but trouble.  He's not that smart and he doesn't even care if he learns anything or not.  The more he is out of my hair, the better.  Whether this means he's skipping, in ISS, sleeping, or whatever."  Then I would allow something else to happen, then another compromise would be made on my part.  Recently, my classroom got so out of control, I just stopped teaching, literally.  I told them if they weren't going to pay attention, then I wasn't going to bother.  I gave them a worksheet and told them they had to learn how to do it on their own and it was due for a correctness grade the next day.  Even the ones that wanted help and came to me on an individual basis got the shaft.
    What good am I doing now?  How is ignoring my students and their cry for help good for anybody?  I'm not sure why, but I felt perfectly okay with making these compromises.  That should not happen in our profession.  I have become so lethargic towards my teaching and my studies.  I truly wish that I could turn this around and I really am trying, but how can I do so?  It is just so much easier to just say, "They don't want to learn, so why try so hard and waste my energy?"  Right now, there are tiny glimpses of hope in a very, very small amount of students that are keeping me going.  Maybe I can revitalize my belief in these kids soon, and show them the ray of light that I really need to be to them.  I only want the best for them and myself.  I'm just wondering if that solution involves me.